When Turkey Vultures Attack!
By Tom Neal
Bigfoot Trails Basecamp | Independent Adventure Media
Anyone on Facebook knows you get those “memories” pop up. Well, the other day we had one come up from 8 years ago.
This was another family road trip. We took some time to take the kids to Scottsdale, and I was looking at going back to school at MMI as a motorcycle mechanic. After a week of venturing around the Phoenix area, we made our way home via the Grand Canyon.
The Grand Canyon is a cool place, but after seeing Moab, Zion, and other marvels in Utah, the Grand Canyon just isn’t the same. I suggest you see that BEFORE adventuring in Utah.
Anyway, this was one of those EVENTFUL trips, one that we will always remember.
I was cruising along Hwy 89 northbound in Utah. Jahanel and the kids were all asleep. Music was playing on the stereo at a low setting so I wouldn’t awaken the kraken.
I was in the middle of a sweeping right-hand curve when I saw this bird taking off from the ditch on my right.
This was no ordinary bird.
It was the size of a semi truck.
No, really, I swear…
The wingspan had to be 60 feet wide. Well, okay, 6 feet. The body was huge, and he couldn’t get much lift at a quick rate.
As he came up from the ditch, he decided to come into the roadway like an idiot. But then again, not much in the way of brains in a bird…
I was cruising at 65–70 mph when this bird BARELY cleared the hood and blasted the windshield.
Glad he cleared the hood. If he would have hit the grille, it would have totaled the car and immobilized it.
The loud impact woke everybody in the car up, including myself.
We quickly and safely got to the side of the road to assess the damage and make sure everyone was okay. No one shit themselves. No one was hurt.
The windshield had about a 3-inch-by-4-inch spot for me to see through, and that was it. It was completely shattered and caved in. Part of the windshield was touching the dash.
There were shards of glass all the way in the rear package shelf behind the back seat.
I am glad everyone else had their eyes closed.
Look Mom, Dad got pulled over AGAIN!
There was no cell service where we were, so we had to keep moving to get service and locate a glass shop open on a Saturday in Utah.
We cleared out the car, covered the seats with towels and blankets, and put a partition up between the front and back seats to keep any glass from blowing back there onto the kids.
About an hour up the road, we found a gas station and cell service.
It just so happened a mobile windshield guy was in the parking lot!
Of course, he couldn’t help us immediately, but he was able to confirm we were fucked.
They have to order every windshield, and it usually takes a week to get one. He advised getting up to Salt Lake City. Someone should be able to help us up there.
So we continued north on 89.
A cop passed us heading southbound. I kept looking in the mirror to see if he would turn around.
Nope. Never did.
About another hour up the road, another trooper passed us heading south. This time, when I checked my mirror to see what he was doing, I saw brake lights and the car turning around.
Of course, after he pulled me over, he asked the typical first question:
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Gee, officer, I have no clue. Could it be the fact my windshield is caved in?
He didn’t ask if anyone was injured or what happened.
I replied, “I assume it’s due to the blown-out windshield.”
I then proceeded to tell him about the kamikaze turkey vulture that tried to take out my family, and about the glass guy who told us we were fucked, and that I was trying to get up to Salt Lake City to a windshield shop.
He told me to call for a tow truck.
I explained to him we had no cell service, but would be more than happy to “as soon as we get service.”
He was fine with us driving on a “short way” until we got cell service and let us go.
At this point, we were still a good four hours from Salt Lake City, so we cruised up the road a ways, got onto I-70 heading to I-15, and once we got to I-15, we were only a couple hours from the city.
So we found a place to crash.
Let me rephrase that.
A place to bed down for the night.
First thing the next morning, we were on the phone trying to find a glass shop open on a Sunday, and one with a windshield for a Saturn Ion.
We finally located a shop and made our way up there.
When we pulled in, I swear we were in tweekerville.
Whatever.
They can hook us up. Let’s just get it done and get the hell out.
It took about an hour and a half, but they replaced the windshield, vacuumed up as much glass as they could, I tossed some cash their way, and we rolled on out.
Next stop was the parts store for wiper blades.
Well, not good enough.
When the bird impacted the windshield, he also hit the wiper arms, and it broke the wiper motor transmission arm.
Okay.
No wipers.
We are heading back to Western Washington in the spring, and it was raining.
RainX it is!
I coated the windshield with RainX and ventured home.
Eight years later, I don’t remember much about that trip.
But I do remember that damn bird and windshield incident.
So when you read about our trips and I tell you uneventful trips are nice, but ones like this are memorable, you know what I mean.
It totally sucked at the time.
But years later, it makes for a great story.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tom Neal is the founder of Bigfoot Trails Basecamp, an independent adventure media project built around real experiences. He’s spent most of his life around vehicles, motorcycles, racing, travel, and projects that tend to take longer and cost more than originally planned.
After decades of doing all that stuff, he’s learned that the best stories usually aren’t the ones you planned. They’re the people you meet, the places you stumble across, the things that go wrong, and the moments you never expected.
That’s what he wants to capture with BTB.
He doesn’t want to write about adventure from the outside. He wants to go experience it, then tell you what happened.
Bigfoot Trails Basecamp | Independent Adventure Media
